Finding mr. Right
Ok, girls, weve all dreamed of him.
Hes your soulmate, understanding your every need even before you have to speak it out load. Hes romantic, making candle lit dinners with rose pedals strewn to a bed made up in black and deep red satin sheets whilst soft music is playing in the background. Hell help with the dishes, the washing, the cooking, the house cleaning, the kids and do all the man stuff around the house; all while earning a decent salary to treat you to the occasional Jenni Button piece with matching Nine West shoes. And of course all your friends get along with him just fine and are jealous of you for finding such an exceptional speciman of the male species.
Who is he? Mr Perfect or Mr Right or whichever fairytale prince you want him to be. Does he exist? That is the real question.
As Dr Scott Peck puts it in his much acclaimed book, The Road Less Travelled, much of this can be explained by looking at what he calls the The myth of Romantic Love, and I quote from the book as there is simply no better words I can come up with to portray this picture. myth of romantic love, which has its origins in our favourite childhood fairy tales, wherein the prince and princess, once united, live happily ever after. The myth of romantic love tells us, in effect, that for every young man in the world there is a a young woman who was meant for him, and vice versa. Moreover, the myth implies that there is only one man meant for a woman and only one woman for a man and this has been predetermined in the stars. When we meet the person for whom we are intended, recognition comes throught the fact that we fall in love. We have met the person for whom all the heavens intended us, and since the match is perfect, we will then be able to satisfy all of each others needs forever and ever, and therefore live happily forever in perfect union and harmony. Should it come to pass, however, that we do not satisfy or meet all of each others needs and friction arises and we fall out of love, then it is clear that a dreadful mistake was made, we misread the starts, we did not hook up with our one and only perfect match, what we though was love was not real or true love, and nothing can be done about the situation to live unhappily ever after or get divorced.
Marriage should be started out not with the notion that all will be happily and rosy ever after and at the first signs that it isnt, we think we have made a dreadful mistake, but rather with a deep sense of commitment. A commitment and acknowledgment that problems will arise, but that you and your soon to be partner-for-life can deal with it together. You must be willing to make and work towards your own happily-ever-after. There is no perfect match/partner out there, there is no perfect relationship; dont waste a good deal or the rest of your life searching for such a thing, rather realise that you choose your partner and commit to the relationship. (Of course, never confuse this with being in a abusive relationship. By no means should abuse be considered allright and acceptable.)
Go in knowing that the in love feeling where all of the world just looks brighter and the grass greener and the sky bluer will fade with time. It might came and go. It doesnt mean that you have suddenly made a mistake in chosing a partner, it just makes way for a deeper kind of love that can grow and evolve with time as you accomplish goals and overcome problems together.
Be honest with yourself and take a long hard look around. Are you perfect in every way? Then why search for this in you life mate? Learn to focus on and appreciate the good and positive things in your relationship and find ways to compromise and work around the not-so-perfect things.
Hes your soulmate, understanding your every need even before you have to speak it out load. Hes romantic, making candle lit dinners with rose pedals strewn to a bed made up in black and deep red satin sheets whilst soft music is playing in the background. Hell help with the dishes, the washing, the cooking, the house cleaning, the kids and do all the man stuff around the house; all while earning a decent salary to treat you to the occasional Jenni Button piece with matching Nine West shoes. And of course all your friends get along with him just fine and are jealous of you for finding such an exceptional speciman of the male species.
Who is he? Mr Perfect or Mr Right or whichever fairytale prince you want him to be. Does he exist? That is the real question.
As Dr Scott Peck puts it in his much acclaimed book, The Road Less Travelled, much of this can be explained by looking at what he calls the The myth of Romantic Love, and I quote from the book as there is simply no better words I can come up with to portray this picture. myth of romantic love, which has its origins in our favourite childhood fairy tales, wherein the prince and princess, once united, live happily ever after. The myth of romantic love tells us, in effect, that for every young man in the world there is a a young woman who was meant for him, and vice versa. Moreover, the myth implies that there is only one man meant for a woman and only one woman for a man and this has been predetermined in the stars. When we meet the person for whom we are intended, recognition comes throught the fact that we fall in love. We have met the person for whom all the heavens intended us, and since the match is perfect, we will then be able to satisfy all of each others needs forever and ever, and therefore live happily forever in perfect union and harmony. Should it come to pass, however, that we do not satisfy or meet all of each others needs and friction arises and we fall out of love, then it is clear that a dreadful mistake was made, we misread the starts, we did not hook up with our one and only perfect match, what we though was love was not real or true love, and nothing can be done about the situation to live unhappily ever after or get divorced.
Marriage should be started out not with the notion that all will be happily and rosy ever after and at the first signs that it isnt, we think we have made a dreadful mistake, but rather with a deep sense of commitment. A commitment and acknowledgment that problems will arise, but that you and your soon to be partner-for-life can deal with it together. You must be willing to make and work towards your own happily-ever-after. There is no perfect match/partner out there, there is no perfect relationship; dont waste a good deal or the rest of your life searching for such a thing, rather realise that you choose your partner and commit to the relationship. (Of course, never confuse this with being in a abusive relationship. By no means should abuse be considered allright and acceptable.)
Go in knowing that the in love feeling where all of the world just looks brighter and the grass greener and the sky bluer will fade with time. It might came and go. It doesnt mean that you have suddenly made a mistake in chosing a partner, it just makes way for a deeper kind of love that can grow and evolve with time as you accomplish goals and overcome problems together.
Be honest with yourself and take a long hard look around. Are you perfect in every way? Then why search for this in you life mate? Learn to focus on and appreciate the good and positive things in your relationship and find ways to compromise and work around the not-so-perfect things.
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